News & Features » Dog Playing Poker

Viral indifference



(Editor's note: Like many businesses, Orlando Weekly was hit hard last week by the Sobig.F virus that's been wreaking havoc with e-mail servers around the world. And since we receive and process the vast majority of our editorial content electronically, the risk was high that stories earmarked for this issue could be horribly corrupted. Through some serious burning of the midnight oil, we were able to prune most of the outstanding glitches. But in the case of Dog Playing Poker -- customarily the last feature to be moved -- we honestly ran out of time. We apologize in advance for any errors that may have crept in.)

If there's a lesson to be learned from the bombing of the U.N. headquarters in Baghdad, it's one well known to the Boy Scouts of America: "Be prepared." The Bush administration was again caught asleep at the switch, having expended most of its so-called intellectual resources on winning the Iraqi war, and precious little of them on brokering the peace.;

Now, Orlando Weekly has uncovered damning new evidence of the depths to which our president will sink to pull his foreign-policy bacon out of the fire. To help rebuild Iraq, it seems, Bush is seeking military aid from an unorthodox source -- a brutal dictator who has been accused by the United Nations of committing crimes against humanity. And here, for the first time anywhere, we can reveal that said despot is none other than;;


; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
Infoservice@microsof...Your details
redcarpet@getthere.comThank you!
SecTim42@ap.eduRe: Thank you!
admissions@purdue.orgRe: Your application
help@financialprob...Re: Approved!
mcasup@microsoft.comRe: Approved!
Bball.tam@verizon.netWicked screensaver

Cause for alarm? We think so. But what matters most is that the voting public be made to share our shock and outrage. The time is now for all good progressives to mobilize a punitive counter-campaign that will ensure Bush's defeat in 2004. Far-sighted citizens are flocking to, a font of informed political talkback. After just one visit, they emerge spiritually energized, confident that the future of Internet activism is in;;

; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
MailDeliverySystemMail delivery failed
MailDeliverySystemMail delivery failed
MailDeliverySystemMail delivery failed
MailDeliverySystemMail delivery failed
MailDeliverySystemMail delivery failed
SecTim42@ap.eduThank you!

good hands indeed. MoveOn has become best known as a meeting place for supporters of Democratic hopeful Howard Dean, but the site in fact endorses no specific candidate. While we at Orlando Weekly applaud Dr. Dean's stance on many crucial issues, we're keeping our options open. Our greatest joy, in fact, may be in the dark-horse candidacy of

Dr. Herman Mubutu, an Angolan man of medicine whose years of stem-cell research have led me to an investment opportunity I wish to share with you and only you. Through a little-known loophole in the laws of my country, I am

funneling millions of dollars in campaign contributions to Joe Lieberman, whose supposedly centrist policies are actually indistinguishable from those of the neocons. When you, the American voter, walk into that booth next November and pull the curtain behind you, you're going to have to choose between the kind of cynicism Lieberman represents and the real principles of democracy. You'll be called upon to answer that nagging question that dogs all citizens of conscience, namely,

Are you sure you want to open the attached file, puppy_pees.jpg?

  • Don't show this message again

And that's not a matter to take lightly. For too long, the people of the United States have contented themselves with so-called

MDaemon@sucessssr... WARNING: VIRUS IN YOUR E-MAIL

representatives wHo Have placated tHem with


;;proMises of †ax reliEf while ∂evOuring †heir


;;liƒe sa√inGs liKe Mama Çass åt a baKe salΣ.


;;Wë as a peøple déserve bette®.

MDaemon@sucessssr...AUTO-REPAIR ENGAGED

;;But we won't get it -- and we won't deserve to get it -- until we can confront the two great dichotomies of the modern era. Namely: In a world where civic engagement is only a modem away, why would so many of us rather remain apathetic to the sociopolitical cancer that's eating our very souls? And even more important: When all else is said and done, why is it that;;


We need to find out now. Or surely, our children will have to answer later.

(404ÐNot Found)

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Orlando Weekly. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Orlando Weekly, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club for as little as $5 a month.